You're in a relationship and your partner has just come home from work. There was a long jam on the PIE, he looks exhausted. Do you...
A) Leave him alone
B) Pounce on him like a cheetah and tell him about your day
C) Ask him why he only replied to 2 of your 37 SMSs
Firstly, if you picked option C, you have very serious problems.
I used to go with option B. Now, before you shoot me, let me explain. Put yourself in my shoes. I haven't seen him the whole day, I miss him, and very often, I just want to hear his voice. (Is that so wrong?!)
But... men and women are different. In some warped kind of way, men tend to read your love for them and the attention you give them as being clingy and dependent. And I've learnt the hard way that this is suffocating and can be unhealthy for the relationship. Once you make yourself less available to him, he will start to miss you and will want you by his side again. (Men are so primitive!!! *rolls eyes*)
How much space should you give your partner?
This is a tricky one... because there is no absolute answer to this riddle. In a relationship however, we need to understand that not all experiences and interests need to be shared. And if he does something without involving you, it's not a plot against you.
If you feel that he's not spending enough time with you or around you, take a step back and ask yourself if you are making unrealistic demands? Don't just pounce on him, you will only push him further away.
When you allow your partner space for personal growth and time without you, he will appreciate you more. Healthy relationships allow you time and space to maintain your own life and time to pursue you own interests, as well as enjoying the time you spend together as a couple.
I know it can be difficult to wean yourself off someone you love a lot. But if you're like me and have problems giving your partners their own space, then here's a motto you should etch in your mind.
"How can he miss you if you won’t go away?!"
Got it??? Now, the next step is, how do you give him space and stay sane at the same time? Here are 5 simple ways to create healthy relationship space.
1. Get a new hobby to occupy your time. This doesn't have to be costly, check out the People's Association Community Club in your neighbourhood for a schedule of classes they run. They have stuff like salsa, cooking, yoga....You will learn, have fun and this will make you look like you have a life of your own and are not being clingy.
2. Respect his choices and his freedom. The more respect and freedom you give him, them more he will come to you, because you will be the only one who will make no demands on him. Men don't like demands and tend to move away from people that push that on them.
3. Spend time on yourself. Eat healthy, exercise to clear your mind ( release frustration) and indulge in something vain (e.g. change your hair style. Become new and improved!). Make yourself feel good about yourself. Get a fitter body by jogging every week at East Coast Park or McRitchie Reservoir.
4. Make a list of things you want to accomplish while you're giving him space. It can be something as simple as becoming a better cook (When I am in a relationship, I love my alone time in the kitchen trying out new recipes for dinner).
5. Sometimes, it's not that you are spending too much time with him, but it's how you spend that time with him. Listen when he talks, don't comment until he is done talking and when you do comment make sure comments are positive and supportive. Do not criticize or judge! Remember, if you're a nag, one hour with you will feel like an hour too long.
These are conscious steps you will have to make in order to create a healthy relationship space. Who knows... one day, the tables may turn and he'll be wishing you had more time for him. *wink* Whatever the outcome, enjoy this space.. and remember- How Can He Miss You If You Won't Go Away?!