I came across a poem/rap thingy today and it goes:
Lick my ass nicely,
lick it nice and clean,
nice and clean, lick my ass.
That’s a greasy desire,
like the licking of roast meat, my daily activity.
Three will lick more than two,
come on, just try it,
and lick, lick, lick.
Everybody lick his own ass himself.
Totally sounds like something Eminem or Vanilla Ice would sing to right? When I found out who penned the above, I nearly fell off my chair. Come on, make a guess who would possibly write that. I tell you ah, you will NEVER get the right answer.
*scroll down this annoying line of asterisks to see the answer*
The same genius that wrote “Piano Concerto No 24 in C Minor”, Mr Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, wrote a gem called “Lick My Ass,” a classical party ballad meant to be sung by six people at a time, and followed it up with a sequel called “Lick My Ass Nice and Clean,” the lyrics of which is included above. Don’t believe? Click the hyperlink and check.
And that is your shocking fact of the day, stay tuned for more!
One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. “Watch this,” he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. “May I help you, sir?”
The man replied, “I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn.”
So the supervisor said, “Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag.”
“Why is that?”
“The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won’t,” the supervisor answered.
“Fine,” the man agreed, “I’ll take the ten-pounder.” “Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?”
“Rake? What do I need that for?”
“Well sir,” said the supervisor authoritatively, “if you don’t rake up the old dead grass before you spread the fertiliser, it won’t all reach the soil.”
“All right then. I’ll get the stiff rake.”
“Very good sir. And would you like the fixed sprinkler or the oscillating sprinkler with that?”
The man started to get a bit steamed and asked harshly, “Sprinkler? Look, I just came in here for some fertiliser. What do I need a sprinkler for?” Calmly, the supervisor responded, “Well sir, if you water your lawn immediately after fertilising, the fertiliser will sink into the soil more quickly and in no time at all, you’ll have the greenest lawn in your neighbourhood.”
This sounded pretty good to the man so he picked up the fixed sprinkler. “OK, then. I’ll take all this.”
“Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that,” asked the supervisor.
Now the customer had about had it and he all but blew up at the supervisor. “LAWNMOWER? Look, all I wanted when I came here was a bag of fertiliser. You’ve already managed to sell me a rake and a sprinkler besides. Give me one good reason why I should get a lawnmower, too!”
Calm as ever, the supervisor said, “Well sir, if you get a lawnmower now, then you’ll be all ready to start trimming your beautiful green grass the minute it starts getting too long. Your lawn will look like a golf course and you’ll be the envy of all your neighbours! Besides, they are on sale this week only, and you’re going to need it either way.”
Well, the man figured that sounded OK and he really wanted to get out of there before he bought anything else so at last he relented. “Fine. I’ll get the electric mower, but that’s it!”
“Very good sir. I’ll ring that up for you.”
After the man had left the store with all his new purchases, the supervisor turned to the trainee and said, “So, do you think you could do that?” The trainee said that he thought he could and the supervisor directed him towards another customer.
The trainee approached the puzzled-looking man and asked, “May I help you sir?”
The man replied, “Yes. I need some tampons for my wife.” Well, the trainee is totally thrown off by this request. He can’t imagine what he could offer the man to go along with that. However, he wanted to impress his boss so he thought hard. Suddenly, he had it! “Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that?”
“Mower? What the hell is wrong with you? I came in here looking for tampons. Why the hell should I get a lawnmower, too?”
“Well sir,” the trainee answered, “I figure your weekend is shot, so you might as well cut the grass.”
Okay, not to surprise as usual got prank again! Somebody said is not by her but intentionally is by her i believe. While away for a shoot for a shoot last monday and my cubicle got hijacked by some monkeys in the office.
The MFP Crew has a Skype group chat where we rant and rave. It’s really not uncommon to have all of us simultaneously bursting out in laughter in our very, very quiet office cos we’re all just talking nonsense on Skype. Our latest topic is…. well, “bukake“. (We mean the one in Point #2, Def 1. Yes, we are sick and we were discussing this cos I was doing research for aesthetic treatments and found out that semen makes your skin smooth and silky.)
I would sabo koky with the last statement but I am in a good mood today =D
And so.. being us – the fashionable people, we’re fashionable even when we’re being perverts. Behold one of our horrible group chats that are the reasons for our outbursts:
Hermann is urm, Hermann, kit yan is koky, Viv is me, rachel is Atari. There. Now you know our real names.
Merherher. We’ve also recently started substituting brand names for swear words. For e.g., Agnes B and Lanvin. You girls go figure!
NMP hopes authorities will use a light touch on ‘Sticker Lady’
by Satish Cheney and John Po
It wasn’t her grandfather’s road but that didn’t stop 25-year-old Samantha Lo from attempting to inject a little humour to Singapore’s streets. Yesterday (5 June), Ms Lo was arrested for allegedly engaging in street graffiti.
Her arrest has riled up many in the online community, especially those in the arts scene.
Lo is also the founder of online magazine RCGNTN – which highlights Singaporea art – and is believed to be suspected of painting the words “My Grandfather Road” along Robinson Road and Maxwell Road, and putting up humourous stickers on road traffic signs.
Ms Lo, dubbed by netizens as ‘Sticker Lady’, may face a jail term of up to three years or be fined up to $2,000 if found guilty of vandalism.
Nominated Member of Parliament Janice Koh who represents the interests of the arts scene, said she hopes the authorities will deal with the matter using a light touch.
“I don’t see street art as being the same as graffiti or vandalism… it is almost impossible to talk about developing a culturally vibrant, creative or loveable city, without some tolerance for those slightly messy activities that sometimes challenge the rules,” she wrote on her official Facebook page.
Pointing to the city of Melbourne, she said that one of Melbourne’s main tourist attractions is street art which has been featured in Tourism Victoria’s campaigns, despite the State Government’s strict anti-graffiti laws.
Some cities, she says, choose to turn a blind eye to such cases because good street art brings colour and character to a city’s street and cultural life.
“For Singapore, it would be useful to make a distinction between this kind of art and outright graffiti or vandalism that seeks to deliberately destroy public property for its own sake,” she added.
Prominent street artists remain underground and do not reveal their identities, she said, pointing to UK artist Banksy as an example.
“Unlike Sticker Lady of course, Banksy has never been caught,” she wrote.
Banksy used to be under constant threat from the UK police as he went about creating his street art fused with political messages. Today, local authorities protect his graffiti as they’re a must-see for tourists who are inclined towards the art form.
Supporters of Ms Lo have started forwarding an online petition asking for authorities to convert Ms Lo’s case from a vandalism charge to “miscellaneous offences (Public Order and Nuisance)” which would involve a fine of up to $1,000 – and no jail time.
An arts lecturer, who did not want to be identified, said the artist’s series of work pokes fun at a segment of Singaporean society “which is so self-absorbed and oblivious that they think everything is their grandfathers.”
“This is positive as it reminds us that there are others around us that need access to the resources that we are hording (such as) space and time. Tongue in cheek? Yes. Is it off limits or a crime? Definitely not,” he said.
While there has been much support from the arts community for Ms Lo who was also a content curator for a project at The National Art Gallery, there are others who don’t think she should get a lighter sentence.
A 59-year-old entrepreneur, who did not want to be named, said no matter how clever the messages were, the woman still defaced public property.
“If the relevant authorities are lenient, it’ll encourage others to do likewise – perhaps even more sinister messages? The lady might have thought that she’s bringing an edgy cuteness to a rather dull Singapore, but that’s not the way to do it,” he said.
An NUS political-science honours student, Ben Ho said the issue is not whether the artist’s work should be considered as art or not.
He believes if the authorities do recognise the work as art and the sentencing is lenient, it might encourage other street artists to do the same.
“The line between real art and true vandalism is blurred. We will have a very colourful city, loved by everyone, and no one, at the same time,” he mulled.