Relationship

Never Say I Love You First

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You can never tell when or how long it will take for you to fall in love with someone, so there's no set time frame of when you should tell your man that you love him. My one rule is - Never say I Love You first.



Don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who plays relationship games. And I've often fought that little battle in my head- with one part of me saying- If you truly love someone, just go ahead and tell him! But a stronger part of me (that speaks from experience) says- Let the man say it first.

About a month into our relationship, David was the first to take the plunge and say that he loved me. Did I already love him then? Yes. I did. I too fell in love very early on, but I just never ever said anything.

Being the first to admit that you have fallen in love can be very nerve wrecking. I remember us sitting on the couch cuddling and watching TV. He leaned over in my ear and whispered, "I Love You"... it was so soft, and barely audible but I heard it. I was sure I heard him correctly.

But instead of reciprocating, I panicked and replied," What did you say?"

I feel bad about this until today, because I know how tough it is to expose your feelings to someone, risking rejection and being so vulnerable. I acted as if I hadn't heard what he said. He blushed and replied, "Oh.. nothing..."

It wasn't until days after that he worked up the courage to attempt it again.. more audibly this time. I reciprocated with "I've already loved you for a long while now."

When it comes to relationships, I think I'm pretty bold and am willing to take risks. I think it's perfectly okay to ask a guy out, to make the first move, to initiate sex, but when it comes to the "L" word, my knees buckle. I think it's naive for a woman to proclaim her love for someone first. You see, the raw truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men aren't as emotion driven as women, and men are usually more cautious about taking their feelings to the next level.

I remember years ago... a couple of weeks into an intense relationship... I was young and naive... and popped the words I Love You to my then boyfriend. And to my utter disappointment... he looked at me and said,"Thank You."

THANK YOU?!!??

If a woman asks a man out and he rejects her, at least she doesn't waste any time pining over someone who isn't interested. But an I love you uttered too soon, before the man has reached that same level of adoration... could damage your relationship. That's why women the world over label loads of men commitment phobes or emotional retards. But really... all that might have been needed was just a little more time for them to arrive at that point themselves. Instead... we eagerly spout I love you way too soon, and make them feel cornered.

Saying I Love you changes the dynamics of a relationship. If a man doesn't feel as deeply for you yet, he may feel the pressure to manifest that emotion (or worse still, pretend to). And if you don't get the response you expect, it could make you feel like you made a big mistake, or you're not good enough or that he can never love you! So, my advice women is - let the man take the lead on this one.

Never say I love You first.