Sex & Love

Sex, the 50 Shades of Grey Way


Considering the popularity of 50 Shades of Gray, the erotica book that women all over the world are ranting and raving about, I’m guessing you girls might be a tad curious about BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism). BDSM is no longer considered freaky or sick.


In fact, introducing BDSM into your love life can heat things up in the bedroom and even create a closer bond with your partner. When bringing up the subject of BDSM to your man, mention it as a compliment, rather than as an accusation that there is something missing in your sex life.

You could say, ‘I really enjoy having sex with you because you know how to pleasure me and make me feel safe. The idea of being tied up and spanked is something that makes me feel a little vulnerable and I think it would be sexy to explore." Do not say to him, "I'm really turned on by this handsome billionaire Christian Grey, from the Fifty Shades of Grey series of erotic novels and I wish you would be more like him."

Next, you need to have BDSM toys. In the world of BDSM, consent is key. If I had to create a Christian Grey Sex Kit, I would include a grey silk necktie, a leather paddle, nipple clamps and ben wah balls. You will also need a "safe word". In the world of BDSM, consent is key. You are vulnerable and submissive during the BDSM session but you also have the power to stop the play at any time using the “safe word”.


Lay out some toys, put on your sexiest outfit and ask, “What can I do to serve you? What would please you?” Subservience is vital to BDSM. Of course, this is only roleplay, and is not an indication of who wears the pants in the relationship in real life. In fact, you can even take turns with your partner by switching the dominant and submissive roles (at another session).


The toys in your BDSM kit are quite safe when used sensibly. The necktie is a multifunctional tool in your kit. It can be used to bind your hands, as a blindfold and even as a gag (be aware that you may have difficulty using the safe word when gagged though). I suggest having more than 1 necktie in your kit as they can be inexpensive and are very useful.


The leather paddle is used to give spankings. It does not hurt as much as a leather belt, whip or cane, but it does produce a loud sound when used to spank. The best place to spank with a leather paddle is the bum. Used on bare skin, and with enough force, it can cause significant pain. So, you will need to speak to your partner before hand about using the leather paddle lightly at first and then gradually increasing the force based on what you would find acceptable.



Nipple clamps can enhance an orgasm and some women can orgasm through nipple stimulation alone. If you are on a budget, you can start out with wooden clothes pegs (don't get the plastic ones to start - they have teeth and twice the clamping power! Yeowch!). Novelty sex shops will sell nipple clamps either with alligator teeth or rubber tips. In BDSM, nipple clamps are used as tools of pleasurable 'torture'. Get your partner to bind your wrists at the back, and put the nipple clamps on you.


Lastly, ben wah balls (sometimes called geisha balls) are marble-sized (or slightly large) balls, usually hollow and containing a small weight, that roll around and are used sexual stimulation by insertion into the vagina. I've heard of people leaving ben wah balls in the vagina all day, but I recommend a shorter amount of time (like 15 minutes). You insert them with lubricant and carry on doing your own thing (like housework, or making out).


The ben wah balls are supposed to exercise your vaginal muscles as well as create stimulating movement. Once done, they can be tricky to fish out, so getting the ones with a string attached to them (a tether) is a good idea.