There’s so much bad relationship advice going around, and while they are usually dished by well-meaning individuals, most advice sounds good but can actually hurt your relationship.
Here are the top 5 very common relationship advice which you should be wary of.
1. Don’t go to bed angry
This means that any disagreement or unhappiness has to be resolved before the end of the day. That’s an awfully short time, and when you work under such time pressures, you may not find a good resolution. I believe in having some distance and time to cool off whenever there’s conflict. Sure, some minor things can just be thrashed out then and there… but most issues are not that simple. Rather than have a heated argument which would turn us overly emotional and likely steer away from logic and good reason, it’s actually better to sleep on it. Have some time to think and reflect before you say things you don’t mean or make snap decisions you may regret. So yeah, go to bed angry if you have to.
2. Live together before marriage
Many people believe it’s good to test the waters before diving in. So before you get married, it is reccommended that you co-habit with your partner for some time to decide if marriage would be a good thing or not. But no! Don’t move in together before marriage! It’s not just my Asian conservatism talking here, but the reality is that almost all couples will have hiccups and big adjustments to make when they move in together. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed (but it can feel like it!). Most of these issues can be ironed out with some level of compromise and every union has its issues, it doesn’t mean you are both not compatible. However, when you’re not in any legal commitment with someone, you’re more likely to bail than stay the course and work things out. Either that or complacency will keep you stagnant and not move on to a marriage.
3. Opposites Attract
Yes, opposites attract, but only if u are poles on magnets. Humans need familiarity for comfort. You don’t have to be complete twins but if u seek someone the total opposite of you, it is a recipe for unhappiness! Some shared interests and hobbies are good but what’s vital is common values and relationship goals. You will find that you can get along a lot better with and understand someone who comes from a similar background to yourself, or has achieved education and exposure that’s somewhat on par with your own.
4. Love hurts
Erm… no it doesn’t. Whoever said love hurts, must never have gotten a bone broken before. A toothache hurts, being bullied hurts, having a poop after a Double McSpicy hurts. But love? Love should make you feel better, not worse. If it hurts to be with someone, either emotionally, mentally or physically, then it is not love. Don’t let anybody convince you otherwise.
5. If they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.
Aiyoh, I’ve seen this piece of advice quoted far too many times on FB & IG posts. It’s some kind of relationship mantra. And it is utter bullshit. This is a motto only drama kings and drama queens use to make their bad behaviour acceptable or make them feel like it should be. Very often, a person’s “worst” is not worth putting up with in order to enjoy the “best” as well. Be with this type of people and you’ll just be living for the good moments while putting up with too many bad ones. How sad.