When it comes to relationships and how the other half perceives us, it’s only natural that we want to perfume the pig for as long as possible.
But when it comes to the following 5 secrets, you would only be wasting each other’s time if you don’t reveal it within the first 6 months of dating, or worse still, make your partner feel duped when they finally find out the truth years down the road. Nobody likes to be blindsided!
1. You don’t want children
I think by default, even by today’s modern standards, one would expect that if we had the choice, we would eventually settle down and start a family. It’s almost a given. So if you are adamant that you do not want any children, or are unable to have children because of health reasons, you should bring this subject up within the first 6 months of dating. That gives both you and your partner the chance to find out each other’s preferences when it comes to children and see if a compromise can be reached. If it’s a dead end, where perhaps you are dead set on having no kids, but he wants three or more, then you are both wasting each other’s time and realistically do not have a future together.
2. You plan on living in another country
If you’re a foreigner and plan to move back to your home country in 2 years, or if you’re local but have your eyes set on a job opening in New York next year, you should make that known as soon as you can. Moving countries is a big deal, and it will affect your relationship (no matter what stage it’s at) greatly. Do not keep those plans a secret and string someone along, and then a year later expect them to up and move with you. And even if you’re planning on doing a long distance relationship for some years, they should be given the heads up as soon as you’re even thinking about moving.
3. You have large debts
Even if you haven’t combined finances with your significant other. If you have a large amount of debt that you’re not likely to clear within the next 3 years, you need to tell them. When your relationship progresses, as a couple, your financial health will affect your partner and vice versa. Most of us have debt, it’s ok. Usually it’s something pretty standard like a student loan from your university days, or you need to pay installments for your car. But sometimes, some of us are very bad with finances and spend beyond our means, and have large credit card debts which keep mounting, etc. You need to make your partner aware of your financial situation, and it’s a good way to find out about his as well.
4. You have baggage from previous relationships
Ok I use the term ‘baggage’ loosely. I don’t consider my daughter from my failed marriage as something negative. It just really means any loose ends or stuff that ties you to your previous relationship. For instance, children from a previous marriage, or if you and your ex have a business that you still run together. It may seem like a small issue to you because you can live your life with whatever arrangements you have, but it may not be as acceptable a situation or arrangement for your new partner. I know of one person who dated a man for a whole year before finally revealing that she had a 5 year old son with an ex boyfriend. This is definitely something you should reveal within the first few dates, the longer you wait, the harder it is to reveal and it will come across as if you were trying to get them hooked first before revealing your ‘baggage’.
5. You have health issues
Any chronic conditions or mental health issues should be revealed once you start to get comfortable with your date. This may happen after a couple of dates, or only after a few weeks but there’s no point in keeping it from them for as long as possible. If you’re prone to depression, or have a heart condition, the person you forsee a future with, needs to be informed. This allows them not only to make an informed decision of whether or not to progress in the relationship with you, but it also allows them to understand and help you better if they choose to stay.