Can your relationship drama rival everything on TV? Are you on a constant roller coaster? If you and your boyfriend constantly break up and get back together or have big fights over the most trivial issues, only to passionately make up again a few hours later, if you often cry about this relationship, then yes, you may be addicted to relationship drama!
People get addicted to relationship drama the same way others get addicted to drugs or alcohol. You may be hooked on the adrenaline rush of drama in relationships. This addiction is not healthy for a relationship. It is a sign that something is lacking in the relationship.
As exciting as drama may seem to you (or the one you love) intense ups and downs in a relationship can make it difficult to connect and enjoy the closeness you would like with your partner. We often confuse ”exciting” qualities of the relationship with love. However, lots of conflict, yelling, screaming, throwing things, frequent breakups and passionate make-ups, lying and cheating; spying on each other; does not make a relationship grow. It is an out of control roller coaster and it’s not going to have a happy ending.
It’s Not Just You
If you’re in a dramatic relationship, odds are, you’re not the only one with the problem. People who really want peace in their lives and relationships are turned off by dramatic behaviour in relationships. So, once drama starts appearing, they quickly move on. Drama in relationships is just too tiring and will wear a normal person down very quickly. But if he feels hooked and stays connected to you despite all the drama, then you have the same issue. You’re both addicted to drama!
What can you do about it?
If you recognise that your relationship is a dramatic one, examine the pattern of relationships you have created in the past. Were they full of drama too? What did you do to promote the drama? How did you handle conflict? What provoking remarks or behaviour did you engage in? If you recognise this behaviour in you, you can take steps in order to help achieve a healthy relationship.
Most likely if you have been in dramatic relationships in the past as well as present, then you were taught in growing up and gravitating towards people who will participate in the drama. Slow down and de-intensify your relationship. Be honest with yourself and your partner.
Recognise that true love is not a consistently intense feeling!
It’s not as exciting as screaming and slamming the door at 2am during a fight. Even though both of you may have an addiction to drama, it is not the end of the road for your relationship. Talk to each other and discuss the goals and what you want the relationship to be like. Staying with your partner based on love instead of for the drama that he or she was providing will be more fulfilling and will help your relationship develop. It may be difficult to deal with the loss of intensity at first but it will be replaced with the peace of mind that comes from honesty, sincere care and respect.
It also helps to focus on other things. People who are focused on a career, or something meaningful (e.g volunteer work), or a hobby, have little time or energy for creating and participating in relationship drama. It also helps if you have a best friend or confidante as your sounding board. Everytime you are upset over something, speak to her about it before you lash out and unleash the crazy. Often times, it helps to have someone to put things into perspective for you. Think / breathe / just hold your horses (!) before you act.
As the two of you move closer together, you can enjoy one another in deeper and (positively) dramatic ways! But if the drama never goes away, it is time you do.