We’ve all heard it over and over again. “If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite.” Is that really the best approach? How can someone who has a different set of values, attitudes and hobbies from you, be so attractive?

And yet someone who is similar is just plain boring!

So which is it? Should opposites attract or should birds of a feather flock together?

Our lives are usually enriched by connections to others who have abilities that we don’t have. However, forging a relationship with someone who is a total opposite is a recipe for disaster.

It is so hard because every difference you have requires compromise. Compromise involves change. If there are too many differences, you may not be able to survive all the strain involved in adapting to each other.

The excitement and challenge of your relationship comes from your differences; the security and ease of your relationship comes from your similarities.

Here’s What Should Be Similar

Energy Level 

If you like to go out every night while he wants to be in bed by ten o’clock, this could spell trouble. Even when there is compromise, it will soon lead to one party resenting the other for cramping their style.

Use of Money

Disagreements with regards to money can be deadly in a relationship. If one partner wants to save while the other’s mentality is to spend it while it’s there… you can expect many arguments.

Personal Habits 

When you live with someone, their personal habits will be a problem if they are different from yours. This includes punctuality, cleanliness and smoking.

Desire for children

Couples have to have a common goal. When it comes to having a future together, you cannot overlook the fact that if you want kids and he doesn’t, it’s going to be a huge problem.

Education

I’m not saying that educated people should not marry uneducated people. In fact, uneducated people can be smart. What you need is a common wavelength. You need to be able to talk, interact, and share on the same level.

Here’s What Can Be Different

Money

If you are not wealthy, you may desire to hook up with someone who is financially stable. It is natural to crave financial security so it is not uncommon to find women marrying more financially stable men.

Interests

It is not necessary for a couple to enjoy the exact same activities. Having your own hobbies, gives you time for yourself. Couples with different hobbies can enrich each other with their own perspectives and interests.

The Physical

It isn’t vital that couples match up in terms of attractiveness. We’ve seen a whole lot of successful couples where one partner looks better than the other. Furthermore, if you are for example, short, you may find yourself attracted to taller men. It’s a natural instinct when one wants to have tall genes for her offspring.

Race & Religion 

In this say and age, it is (generally) no longer taboo to date someone of a different race or religion.

No matter what, relationships are difficult, so it is in your best interest to make sure that the core values of the partner you choose is in line with your own. Above that, a little variation in everything else will make it that much more interesting and attractive. Bear in mind, you will need to be understanding and accepting of the differences that will come with it.