Let’s break out the pencils, boys. It’s time to take some notes!
If you aren’t familiar with kyabakura (a portmanteau of the Japanese pronunciation for “cabaret” and “club”), it’s basically a place where men pay lots of money to drink and talk with pretty women. While there may be seedier things going on around the kyabakura, virtually all business at the kyabakura itself is completely innocent, so long as you consider it “innocent” to get wasted while girls talk to you like you’re a celebrity.
While there’s a lot of reasons guys would visit a kyabakura, maybe they’re just lonely or not getting the attention they need at home, one thing’s for sure: the women who work there must be pretty good at their job to get men to pay large amounts of money just to talk and drink with them.
And along with the women’s conversation and alcohol prowess comes another useful skill: sizing up the men that they have to work with. They should know better than anyone what makes a guy attractive or unattractive, since they have to deal with so many of them every day. So in conducting some very important research, we decided to ask some kyabakura women for the top five most unattractive things guys do. Here’s what they came up with; allow us to share their knowledge with men all over the world:
#5. Not saying anything at all
“It makes me wonder why they even came.”
“It’s like pulling teeth.”
“The time goes by so slowly.”
No surprises here. Whether you’re on a date or visiting a kyabakura yourself, you have to speak up for people to learn about you. If you don’t say anything, they’ll just assume you’re not that interesting.
▼ Prove them wrong by telling them all about your “little sister” wearable-blanket!
Credit: @mika_mikami (Twitter)
#4. Showing off how much money they have
“It’s like they’re trying to ask how much they can buy me for.”
So once you do start talking, take note: don’t talk about how big your awesome salary is. Also be sure not to shove the keys to your luxury car right in the lady’s face either, which is another major turnoff the women mentioned.
▼ That’s no problem for us. We’re so poor we make swimsuits out of plastic bags!
Credit: Belle Xie (Facebook)
#3. Trying too hard to be cool
“If you were really so cool, why would you come to a kyabakura?”
“It’s just painful to watch most of the time.”
All right, so you’ve opened up your mouth and done your best to not talk about your piles of cash at home; now it’s time to make sure your conversation skills and body language sound natural. If you haven’t been practicing your James Bond impression in front of a mirror for at least six months, now’s not the time to start breaking it out.
▼ Don’t be afraid to just be yourself… even if you’re a man who dresses up as a pink bunny and covers himself in rabbit food.
#2. Looking down on the woman
“It’s just miserable when then use bad language or call us bad words.”
“Or when they ask us why we’re working here.”
“No matter who the woman is, you should always treat her with respect.”
This one may be a little particular to kyabakura, since the men might think they “deserve” to talk down to the woman because they’ve paid for their time. But still, it can be applied to normal life too. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in a conversation and not realize what you’re saying before it’s too late, even if you didn’t mean to be rude.
▼ Oh! No! I meant to say I get a lot of cats at home! Hey, where are you going…?
Credit: Alisa Vargas (Flickr)
#1. Nonstop dirty jokes
“Attractiveness is inversely proportional to how many dirty jokes they tell.”
“The grosser the person, the grosser the jokes.”
“The worst part is, if you laugh to be polite, they’ll just tell more.”
All right guys, we get it, “that’s what she said.” Yes, yes, it was funny the first fifty times but now it’s time to try and impress the ladies by trying something else. When it comes to conversation, try to get a little creative and ask some questions. Otherwise, it will just be a long and hard ride.
Credit: Marlon E (Flickr)
And that’s it for the list. While some of the topics that were brought may be largely limited to kyabakura, most of them are universal. It seems that no matter where you are in the world, the best strategy to get people to like you is to speak up a bit and don’t be a jerk. If you do that, you might just be able to fit right in.
▼ Oh, my god, stop it!