It’s been a long while, and you finally find that you’re no longer flying solo.
While doing things 100% your way, never having to compromise and being free to play the field has its draws… having an other half does give you unparalleled assurance, comfort and yes, even joy. You adore your new partner and yet, being part of a couple feels so alien to you. You’re too used to being single. So here are some pointers to help you not bomb that transition from Singlehood to Couplehood.
1. Your new nucleus
Understand that your nucleus has changed. It’s no longer just you. Start looking at things from a “WE” perspective, rather than “I”. There is no place for self-centeredness in a successful relationship. Respect that your partner has an equal say in the relationship, that you are a team, and if one person on the team is not happy, then the team is not succeeding.
2. Build a sense of loyalty
There will be disagreements in the relationship. But never talk shit about your partner to your friends. If you have a problem with your partner, you should be having that conversation with them, not with your friends. You bad mouth your enemies, you bring down those you hate, not your loved one. Also, constantly complaining about your partner to your friends, shows that you have little respect for them and this perpetuates itself, making you feel worse about being with your partner, not better.
3. Set new boundaries
Throw out your old set. Being in a couple means there’s now a whole new set of boundaries which you not only have to communicate to each other but you’re also responsible to communicate it to your friends and family. Some things to consider would be what your relationship goals are, what are your expectations for the future (is this going to be just casual and open, or very exclusive and headed towards marriage? Or anywhere in between???) Are there issues that might bring on jealousy (are you still friends with an ex?)
4. Communicate with your partner
And no, I don’t mean just chatting and talking. Good communication in a relationship goes beyond just chatting and telling your partner about your day. There’s actually loads of other stuff you need to keep your partner updated on. This could be weekend plans, your work schedule, your feelings, etc. At the start, you may neglect keeping your partner in the loop about your life. But you soon, over time, you get used to checking in with each other and things will go more seamlessly.
Ok, maybe you’ve read all these points and you’re thinking WHAT?! I’ve got to do all that?! Pffftt...Tell me again why I would even want to stop being single. The bottom line is, you reap what you sow… and if you want to be selfish about it, then prepare for an unhappy relationship or be forever alone. A relationship is a two-way street, and all that adjustments and considerations that you’re putting into this relationship will be what you will receive from your partner too.