Dating a man going through a divorce is a really long roller coaster ride… and no, not the fun kind. I once dated a man who was separated from his wife, it only lasted a couple of months because I could not deal with the instability, the constant feeling of being in limbo and worst of all, that nagging feeling that at the end of this ride he might reconcile with his wife.
So, you’ve just met someone and after a few dates, you find out that he is not divorced yet. What should you do? My advice is – walk away. If you stay and get involved with him, it will be hard to walk away. It is better to break it off in the beginning before feelings develop. He may say that things are over between him and his wife but you should stand your ground and tell him no until he is divorced. You do not want to have a relationship with him and his ex wife.
If you do decide to date him while he is going through a divorce, then be prepared for:
Being the OTHER woman
They are not divorced yet, she is still legally his wife. She may try to hold it against him in court or she might use it to keep his children away from him. You do not want to be the cause of all of that drama. He is going through a divorce, he is emotional and will want to hold on to you, your affection and companionship as a crutch to get him through this difficult period. He won’t have the strength to walk away from your relationship. But you will. Do not be a third party.
A possible reconciliation
Very often couples, when faced with a divorce and all it’s legalities, suddenly feel that it might be easier to try to work things out. This is more likely the case if they have been married for many years or if they have young kids. If the wife does not want to leave him, you may have to deal with her fighting for him over the next few years. You will have to put up with her crying to him, and trying all sorts to get him (or you) to feel sorry for her. Be prepared to have your heart broken.
You will need to be prepared to face constant reminders that she is a big part of his life and it will take time to let go of her. Perhaps he still has their wedding pictures, or you sleep in the same bed she where she slept with him. It is not uncommon to feel inadequate or as if you’re being compared to his wife. This takes time to pass, which is why you need to give a man who is going through a divorce the space to settle it on his own.
A failed marriage usually costs a man much more than a woman. Will he have to start paying for 2 apartments now that they are separated? Is there child maintenance fees? An angry or unfair woman can really clean a man out when it comes to a divorce. She might want to destroy him financially (and hopefully ruin your relationship too). Sorry, but women can be that way.
Do not continue to see him for an innocent dinner or coffee. You are not helping yourself by getting emotionally attached to him. He is still married and needs to complete that phase of his life before he can move on to the next. Go cold turkey and tell him to get divorced first. You will save yourself a lot of heartache. If it is meant to be then you will be together when his divorce is final.