Is He a Jerk or Just Afraid to Commit


Sometimes in life, we all need a little push, or some reassurance to give us the confidence to take a plunge.


Credit: Elite Daily 

Is this the case for your man and his commitment to you? Read on to find out if your man just needs a little help to get over what seems like commitment issues... Or whether he’s a lost cause.


You’re making him feel too vulnerable

His reluctance to commit may stem from feeling vulnerable. Of course, some level of vulnerability is beneficial to a relationship… it is what makes us treasure our partners and not want to do stuff that may jeopardise the relationship. However, if you overdo it and constantly give him intense feelings of vulnerability then it may push him the other way. Perhaps in a bid to show how valuable you are, you keep emphasizing how successful you are… and inadvertently cause him to feel like you think he’s not good enough. Or you purposely give him that fear that you can just walk out of this relationship at the slightest screw up on his part. Maybe you make him feel like he has to compete with your hot male friends who surround you and your lifestyle. It’s ok to keep him on his toes every now and then, but you have to also offer your man the sense that you want to be committed to him too, that he will be a priority in your life and that this is something that could last.


He feels trapped

Some guys view relationships as traps. You are their ball and chain. How often have you heard men describe their partners as suffocating or too clingy? I have to say though that most of the time, the fault lies with the guy on this one. Unless you’re a psycho crazy bunny boiling type individual, his feelings of being trapped stem from his own mindset going into any relationship. Some guys go into relationships with the default mindset that it will be constricting. So, look at the boundaries you set and ask yourself if it’s reasonable. If they are reasonable and what you need, then it’s probably best you drop him because he will always feel shackled by you and will act out on it (by lying or withholding commitment etc) and this relationship will be toxic and unfulfilling.


He thinks he can do better

He doesn’t settle because he’s always thinking there’s someone better just around the corner… yet in case he never finds her, he better string you along because you’re not all that bad. Haha. Sucks but so true and all too common. Some people are assholes who will drop who they’re dating if they can get an upgrade. Pffft! If you can forgo any future potential men and focus on a committed relationship, then why can’t he do the same? Please don’t be strung along by selfish jerks!


He’s too busy

Don’t be an idiot. No matter how busy we are, any smart person can compartmentalise their load and schedule their time to make space for someone important in their life. If his excuse for not committing is that he’s oh sooo busy… don’t buy it because it’s not the truth. He’ll try to convince you that once he has more time, he’ll be able to commit to you, but he probably knows that he’ll never have more time… for you.



There’s no magical number but you will probably meet some guys in your life that are just too young for a commitment. I have friends who stuck around their boyfriends for like 5 years or more… with no end goal in sight… no plans for any future (except wishful thinking on her part). Now, some of these relationships finally ended in marriage and family and happily ever afters. While others just reached a dead end after a decade or so. The best way to ascertain where he’s at in terms of timeframe… is to talk about it. Maybe he’s thinking “I’m just 25. I’ll only be ready to settle down when I’m 30 and have my career and finances stable.” If that’s a time frame that you are able to work with then great. Otherwise, no hard feelings, bail.