Is He Micro Cheating?


In our tech-driven, social media world today, the most common ways in which someone micro cheats is usually through Facebook or Instagram. It feels harmless enough, so they can convince themselves they’re not doing anything wrong.


Background photo created by katemangostar -

A classic and all too common example would be just a month ago when I posted a bikini picture at the pool (with my 2 children in it as well!). A Facebook ‘friend’ whom I had never met before, sent me a private message. “I want you to know you look great but I couldn’t leave that as a comment because I don’t want my girlfriend to get the wrong idea.”

Oh please. It’s really because he didn’t want his girlfriend to get the right idea.  

Micro cheating is kind of like harmless flirting. Except, deliberate flirting is never ever totally harmless, ever. It has the whispers of infidelity without actually crossing the line of physical intimacy. It’s when you secretly connect with another person on social media or in person but hide this connection or interaction from your significant other. Micro cheating is also when you consciously downplay your romantic relationship so that you appear available, or if you lie to your partner just so you can spend time with another person behind their backs.

Here are some ways your partner (or you!) may be micro cheating.


  1. There are secrecy and deception. He enters the name of someone under a less conspicuous name in your phone to avoid detection or suspicion when she calls, texts, or emails.
  2. He’s spending a lot of time looking at someone else online, and frequently. It could be a crush of his, the one that got away, or random girls he finds hot. Cyberstalking someone on social media that he is attracted to is indicative of your partner micro-cheating.  

  3. He reaches out to a girl who is supposedly just a friend or even just a Facebook friend he hasn’t met in the flesh before, for a recommendation or advice on an issue that he could easily Google the answer for. He’s making a connection with her that would otherwise not exist (and not need to exist in the first place)... He doesn’t really need her input, he’s just doing it because Google is not pretty and can’t flirt back.

  4. Purposefully not mentioning his significant other (you!)  in conversation with people he interacts with so that they think he’s single. Now, I’m not saying he has to shout I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND or I’M MARRIED to every woman he speaks to. But if like a girl chats him up at the bar, and then asks him what his plans for the weekend are. His plan is to go buy furniture for your new home at IKEA, or he has pencilled in going to the gynea to look at his baby with you via ultrasound… but he tells this woman who is chatting him up that he hasn’t got anything big planned. Hmmm….

  5. Picking up the tab when he’s out with someone who’s not his girlfriend because he wants to impress her. Friends pay their own way.

  6. When something great happens to him and he chooses to share the good news with another woman first.

  7. Meeting up with another woman for drinks and giving the excuse that it’s work-related (and it’s not).

  8. Leaving his wedding ring at home when he heads out with the boys because he wants to feel like being hit on by girls is a possibility for him again.


I’m not against flirting, flirting is ego boosting, self-esteem building and a whole lot of fun… when single! If he still needs that sort of validation now, then man, release the shackles from your partner and let him run to some other woman who will adore and appreciate him.