It starts with the stipulation of the number of guest. Then the venue. And suddenly he wants to choose the wedding flowers as well! This scenario happens far more often than we realise. Is your man trying to take over the wedding? Meet Groomzilla.
He’s the male version of Bridezilla and he’s particular about details that used to be strictly a ” bride’s only” territory. What turns otherwise macho men into divas in suits? It’s due in part to age, because men are marrying at an older age than ever before, these grooms have developed tastes and they’re more opinionated than younger men.
So more and more husbands want to take the reins when it comes to the wedding. I think it’s wonderful if your husband to be wants to be part of the wedding planning instead of grunting “it’s a woman’s job!” So let him be part of the process by balancing decisions. For instance, the groom can pick the venue, the food and the music. While the bride picks out the decor, the colour scheme and cake design.
Make sure he does the work too (e.g. finding vendors, looking at pricing options, organising the guestlist). Do not accept a man who leaves everything up to you and all he does is second guess your choices or complain. If he wants his opinion to have the same weight as yours, he should be willing to do the same amount of work.
Keep a Groomzilla busy by giving him a project. For instance, my fiance is completely in charge of organising the evening reception which is like an after party. It’s a win-win situation. He can plan a party that all his friends can go crazy at. And I… don’t have to. That way, I can focus on planning the actual ceremony and lunch itself…yay!
If he’s in charge of an important element for your dream wedding, then always have your own back up prepared. He doesn’t have to know about it. And you may not even have to use it. Maybe I am a kiasu bride myself, or a control freak, but I have back ups. For instance, when I asked him about flowers, he initially said it was up to me.
So I chose lilies. Then last week, when I was showing him pictures of Call Lily boutonnieres I was about to order (which I had painstakingly sourced for), he said he wanted a thistle boutonniere instead.
Now, I have never seen thistles in Singapore. But since he was adamant about them said that he would settle that, I let him have it. I would love for him to have his thistle pinned onto his jacket on our special day, but I’ve gone ahead to order the Calla Lily boutonnieres which match my bouquet as a back up, in case his thistles never make it to Singapore.
When you feel like things are becoming a power struggle, speak to him about compromise. If he gets his way on one thing and you get your way on another, that’s fair. If he’s insisting with regard to every choice that it’s his way or the highway, he’s likely to continue that in marriage, and you really need to think about whether you want to be married to someone like that. Thankfully though, not all Groomzillas are totally unreasonable.
The wedding is usually the first big thing you plan together as a couple, and you kind of have to find your groove with it. Don’t panic if he turns into Groomzilla, it usually just means he’s as excited about the wedding as you are!