I've attended a few Hen nights and heard enough of what goes on at Bachelor parties to make me worry about when the time comes for me to tie the knot. Men often say that the stag night (aka Bachelor party) is their last night of freedom. To me, that is bullshit. You're in a monogamous relationship so you're already committed and have been committed for the last year (or however long you've been together).
So what is this one last hurrah about? Is it really just harmless fun?
10 Notches On The Moral Compass: 0 being harmless and 10 being just plain sinful no matter how many excuses he/she comes up with!
Notch 0: This does not involve the other sex. Women stay home and watch romantic movies together, give the bride to be presents and have a girly night. Men go racing, or shooting, or play poker together.
Notch 1: The club is the most common of places to have a Bachelor/Hen party. Opposite sex and alcohol are present... but that could well be harmless, if there’s no touching or flirting going on.
Notch 2: You flirt with the opposite sex, probably at a club, and even more probably at the instigation of your peers, but it doesn't go beyond that. There is no intention of hooking up or exchanging contacts.
Notch 3: My girlfriend had her hen night at Gotham Penthouse where they had male strippers. It is also just as easy to hire a stripper to dance at your private party. It's a harmless notch number 3 if you see but don't touch... and if it's not the full Monty (just down to a G-string).
Notch 4: One notch above those tame strippers… are the wild nights where there is a full striptease. If you feel that seeing a man/woman take all their clothes off while sexually gyrating and asking for money is what you need just before you're going to get married... then I question how much you value your relationship and marriage.
Notch 5: Touching the stripper in any way (be it a lap dance or whatever)... or touching someone from the club in the process of flirting would bump you up to the 5th notch.
Notch 6: If you touch a stripper or random member of the opposite sex (in intimate places eg. breast or crotch) with the intention of getting physical and initiating sex, it's wrong (even if you're unsuccessful in sealing the deal).
Notch 7: It’s perfectly ok to dance around people of the opposite sex, but if you're dancing so close to the opposite sex that your groins have to grind together. That's too close.
Notch 8: Harmless as you may think it is... a kiss is not just a kiss. Congratulations, you have cheated on your future spouse.
Notch 9: Be it received or given. No matter how drunk or dark it was... inexcusable!
Notch 10: Sex with anyone other than your fiancé is grounds for dismissal! Call off the wedding. Even if he/she does still marry you, you have brought upon yourself a lifetime of problems and shame. It's going to be a recurring topic in arguments and you can bet your last dollar on the fact that it will never be forgotten by your partner.
This is my moral compass, and yours may be set on a different dial. Would you be okay with your partner having a Bachelor party? Can you trust yourself to behave at your own? What would you consider going too far?
If you're about to have a bachelor party or hen night... I'll leave you with just one piece of advice: